Working Through Procrastination
and Achieving Your Goals
Jay Earley, Ph.D.
This article is one of a series on the Pattern System, a way of understanding personality that looks at the various parts of your psyche rather than your personality as a whole. Each article focuses on a specific personality pattern. This one highlights the Procrastination Pattern.
Read over the following statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances:
- I avoid taking actions that I know are needed
- I can’t get my priorities clear or make decisions that would allow me to take action
- I put off making needed changes in my life
- I get stuck in the middle of a project and let it slide
- I get distracted and forget about something that has to be done
- I avoid doing certain things that involve risk or putting myself out publicly
- I spend my time thinking, planning, or daydreaming but I don’t actually take action
- I spend my time relaxing and enjoying myself rather than doing something important
- There is something I really want to do, but I never get around to it
- I start on a practice of discipline or self-care, but I don’t stick with it.
- I miss a deadline for a project at work (or school) or stay up all night to get it finished
- I don’t carry thru on something I have committed to do
If some of these statements apply to you, you may have a Procrastination Pattern, even if they only apply to you under certain circumstances. Personality patterns aren’t the same as personality types. A pattern represents only a part of you, and it doesn’t have to be a dominant or pervasive part. You may procrastinate only about certain actions or in particular situations.
The Procrastination Pattern is a trailhead to transformation. By paying attention to this pattern and exploring yourself, you can transform your ability to take action. This article can help you understand the Procrastination Pattern and learn how to accomplish what you want in your life.
If the above statements fit someone you know, this article can you help you understand them and how to relate to them more effectively.
What Procrastination Looks Like
If you have a Procrastination Pattern, you tend to avoid certain kinds of action. You may avoid tasks that have to be done that you don’t particularly enjoy. You may also avoid things you really want to do, especially activities that involve taking risks and the possibility of failure. You may start a project but not stay with it or not complete it. Or it takes you so long to finish it that you miss important deadlines.
Procrastination usually happens out of awareness. People who procrastinate rarely make a conscious decision not to do something. They just go along with their lives, and after a while they realize that they haven’t done the task. They got distracted with other things. They got lost in thought. They spent time relaxing, partying, having fun. Sometimes they worked hard doing things that were less important than the task they were avoiding.
For example, Joe was working on a creative video project that he was very excited about. However, he felt that he needed to really clean up his home-office before he would feel comfortable doing it. And this seemed to take forever. Then he found himself exercising and cooking rather than working on the project. He finally realized he was avoiding it.
Sometimes it isn’t a specific task that you are avoiding. It is the thinking and planning that would be required for you to take action. You never seem to find the time to do it. Alternatively you may think and plan obsessively but never actually make a decision about what to do. For example, Angie was tired of her current occupation and really wanted to find something that was more creative and meaningful for her. She made lists of interesting lines of work. She thought over different possibilities. She weighed the pros and cons of various directions. But she couldn’t make up her mind. There were too many options; she felt confused. Then for long stretches she would just get caught up in her current job and life and forget about a new career.
As a result of procrastination, important tasks are left undone or get done late. Projects may be done poorly because they had to be rushed at the last minute. Life decisions are postponed. You may feel stuck in your life because the changes you want to make never quite materialize. Achievement and advancement are put off or abandoned because you don’t take the steps to make them happen. I coach people in finding and actualizing their life purpose and their ideal career (see www.lifepurposecoaching.com), and the Procrastination Pattern is one of the biggest roadblocks to making their dreams come true.
In Groups and Organizations. At work or school, procrastination often leads to missing deadlines for projects. This is a classic problem for students. Procrastination sometimes means not living up to commitments you make to other people in a group or organization. For example, Sean was given a major project with a deadline, and because he wanted a promotion, he committed himself to getting it finished and doing a great job. However, he seemed to get involved in chatting with co-workers a lot. He found himself playing games on his computer. He would then try to make up for this by working late for days in a row. This would go well for a while, but then the pattern would repeat. He would sit for hours trying to work on the project while his mind drifted off onto other things.
When You Procrastinate. If you have a Procrastination Pattern, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you always procrastinate. It simply means that a part of you does. There may be other parts of you that feel and act differently. And your procrastinating part may be activated in certain situations but not in others. You may procrastinate at work but not at home, or you may procrastinate only about certain activities that frighten you.
Being at Ease
If you have a Procrastination Pattern, you may also have a tendency towards the Ease Pattern, which is the healthy version of Procrastination. The Ease Pattern means functioning in life in a relaxed way without effort, not being overly attached to outcome, being present in each moment while still taking care of business. It means that your work flows in a pleasurable, easy way as you accomplish things.
Ease means not being tense or agitated while doing things. It means not stressing yourself with too much work, having a good balance of work and other activities in your life. The big difference between Ease and Procrastination is that with the Ease Pattern, you get things done. Your relaxation is not to avoid action but rather to do the action in a flowing way.
Why We Procrastinate
In this article, I will be making use of what is known in the psychotherapy field about subpersonalities or parts of ourselves. This knowledge is especially drawn from Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), a powerful and respectful approach to working with parts. You can think of parts as little people inside us. Each has its own perspective, feelings, memories, goals, and motivations.
The most important thing to understand about procrastination is that it happens because there is a part of you that doesn’t want to do the task. This part is usually unconscious. You feel that you want to do the task, or at least you realize that you have to do it. But you can’t understand why it isn’t getting done. This is because there are two parts of you in conflict. One part wants to do the task, and the other part doesn’t. In order to resolve this dilemma, you must get in touch with the part that wants to avoid the task.
Fear of Failure or Judgment. There are a number of reasons why this part of you might want to procrastinate. Sometimes it is an attempt to avoid failing at something or being judged as inadequate. You might even be afraid of being humiliated if you stick your neck out. Frequently the tasks that get put off are those that involve risk—making a presentation, calling people on the phone, writing and article or a book, proposing a project, applying for a job, starting a business. If you were judged harshly as a child by one of your parents when you did certain things, this could make a part of you afraid of attempting similar things now. If you were humiliated by your siblings or friends at school, this could make a part of you afraid to put yourself out.
For example, when Delores had homework for school, her father would help her with it, but he had no patience for the time needed for a child to learn things. He was constantly critical of her, and this made her feel inadequate. Now whenever she is faced with a task or project that could involve failure, she becomes frightened. The fear is unconscious but it makes her avoid projects.
Other Fears. Sometimes procrastination comes from a fear of rejection. You may avoid asking someone out on a date or going to an event to meet new people, because you are afraid of not being liked, not measuring up, being rejected. It can also come from a fear of disaster or danger. Anything that causes fear of action can result in procrastination.
Despair. Fear of action can be compounded by a hopeless attitude. A part of you may feel that no matter how hard you try, you won’t be successful, you won’t get appreciation, you won’t be accepted or loved. This is often a defense against taking risks, and a very effective one. The hopeless part says, “Why bother taking action? Why bother putting myself at risk? I will just be judged or dismissed anyway.” And so it procrastinates to keep you safe.
Avoidance of Difficulties. Sometimes procrastination is an attempt to avoid facing situations that are painful or difficult. You might avoid something that involves having to make a difficult choice, or confronting someone you are close to, or seeing how much pain a loved one is feeling. Jeff is a 78 year old who procrastinated about investigating assisted living possibilities because he didn’t want to think about losing his functioning. Anything that you would rather not face can become the focus of procrastination. In most cases, you would never choose consciously to avoid it, but procrastination happens outside of awareness.
Some people are actually identified with the part of them that doesn’t want to take action. If you are like this, you may not want to do tasks that you find boring or unpleasant that need to be done. You aren’t concerned about doing them, even if not doing them makes your life more difficult. You may not care enough about getting a better job or taking care of your health. You may not care enough about your grades in school or paying your bills. You may feel that life is for enjoyment and having fun, and everything else is secondary.
Defiance. Procrastination can also be an unconscious bid for autonomy. If a task is given to you by your boss or your teacher, for example, a part of you may be angry at being told what to do. This part resents being told to do something boring or difficult. You may not be aware of the resentment because another part of you knows that you have to do the task, and that is the part you identify with. You are consciously planning to get the task done before the deadline, so you push your anger into your unconscious. But you do this at your peril because the time keeps slipping away and you aren’t getting enough done. The resentful, procrastinating part is the one in charge. It is defying your teacher or your boss by avoiding the task, because it wants to be autonomous, and all this is happening without your being aware of it. This is a form of the Passive-Aggressive Pattern.
This kind of unconscious defiance can also be directed at a part of yourself. For example, Mike decided that he wanted to get regular exercise to improve his health. A part of him (let’s call it the Driver) set up an exercise program that he was supposed to follow. However, another part of him (the Rebel) resented being told what to do, even by another part of Mike. The Driver and the Rebel got locked into battles outside Mike’s awareness, and the result was that his exercising was hit-and-miss. And he didn’t keep up with it.
This dynamic often gets created when there was a parent who frequently told you what to do in a way that didn’t respect your own needs and desires. For example, Mike’s mother constantly nagged at him to practice his trumpet and made him feel bad when he didn’t. She knew he had talent and she wasn’t interested in how he felt about playing the trumpet. Mike’s Rebel part resented his mother’s invasion of his autonomy. Now in his current life, Mike’s Driver has a style of assigning him tasks that is similar to his mother’s style—demanding and critical. This is an example of the Inner Critic Pattern. This does not sit well with the Rebel. Any time his Driver part sets up a task, it feels like another invasion and the Rebel goes on strike. This is an example of the Defiance Pattern. Those two are constantly in conflict. In Internal Family Systems Therapy, this dynamic is called polarization.
| Mike's Parts |
| Driver |
| Rebel |
| Polarized |
| Patterns |
| Inner Critic |
| Defiance |
| Polarized |
Cultural Origins. Procrastination is widespread in American culture because of our over-emphasis on achievement and competition. Children get pushed hard to succeed, often early in life, either by their parents or their schools. And many are made to feel inadequate if they can’t measure up to such demands or score high in the competition for grades. Therefore many of them rebel against this regimen, either directly or unconsciously inside themselves. And others end up expecting themselves to fail and become frightened of trying things. This sets them up for procrastination.
This is especially true for those whose natural inclinations are artistic, emotional, and intuitive, whose learning style emphasizes reverie and experimenting. These qualities aren’t valued much by our intellectual, striving culture, and it is hard for these folks to succeed by the standards used in our schools and workplaces. This sets them up to feel inadequate or rebellious—and to procrastinate.
Transforming Procrastination
The following six steps will help you to work through your Procrastination Pattern and develop the Purpose Pattern, which is the antidote to Procrastination. These steps don’t have to be performed in order.
Understanding Behavior. Get clear on the form your procrastination takes. What do you actually do that prevents you from taking action or accomplishing things. How do you avoid tasks? Do you get distracted? Do you forget about the task? Do you not set aside time to work on it? Are you unable to decide what to do? What kind of tasks do you avoid? Tasks assigned to you by certain people? Actions that involve meeting new people? Appearing in public? Under what circumstances do you procrastinate? When you are depressed? When you are confused? When you are angry?
Understanding Motivation. Get to know the part of you that procrastinates. Don’t judge it or try to talk it out of procrastinating. Approach it with an attitude of openness and compassion. Be curious to understand why it wants to avoid certain actions. Remember that it is trying to do something positive for you, even if that isn’t working. Get to know its motivation, its fears. Is it trying to gain autonomy by procrastinating? What is it afraid would happen if it allowed you to take action? Getting judged? Being controlled? Failing at something? Getting upset?
Polarized Parts. If the part that is procrastinating is defying another part, get to know the part it is rebelling against. Is there an Inner Critic that is driving you harshly to accomplish tasks? Is there a Striving part that wants to make a great deal of effort to achieve something? Get to know this part from an open place. Find out why it needs to push you so hard. Understand that it is also trying to do something positive for you.
Understand how the procrastinating part feels toward the pushing or striving part. Why does it feel a need to fight against that part? Is it angry at being judged? Does it feel hopeless about ever satisfying the Inner Critic? Is it stubbornly rebelling? Remember that these actions are an attempt to protect you from something it sees as negative.
See how these two parts are polarized, how each is fighting the other. The Inner Critic feels that it must push so hard to overcome the procrastination of the Defiant part. The Defiant part feels that it must rebel because the Inner Critic is controlling and harmful with its criticism. Hold them both with compassion and understanding. Ask them each if they will lighten up if the other one agrees to also.
Healing Origins. Get in touch with the childhood origins of your procrastination. This means accessing the young, vulnerable part of yourself that was judged or humiliated when you were a child. This part needs to express it’s feelings and tell it’s story. Then it can be healed of the accumulated pain of the past. After that there will be little need to procrastinate because there isn’t much pain to defend against. It would be helpful to also explore the origins of your Defiant part and your Inner Critic.
The best way to learn about your underlying motivations and their origins in childhood, and to heal them, is through individual psychotherapy, especially Internal Family Systems work. IFS is also helpful in working with polarized parts. I offer classes on IFS for self-help and peer counseling.
Awareness. Become aware of your procrastination at the moment it is happening. This is crucial for procrastination because its very nature involves being unaware that you are doing it. When you sit down to work on a project, notice what happens. Do you space out? Do you start doing less important things? If you don’t even sit down to begin with, how does that happen? How do you manage to avoid starting on the task? Do you make plans and then forget? Do you not even make plans? Try to be aware of how these things happen at the moment they are happening.
When you notice procrastination, be aware of what you are feeling at that moment. Do you feel afraid or defiant? Notice what parts of you are activated and what they are afraid of. How do their feelings affect your actions. Being aware of your behavior and feelings in the moment gives you much more information about what is happening. It also gives you the opportunity to work with your parts right then and there.
Working with Parts. When you take on a task or project, make sure that you consult with any procrastinating part first to make sure it is on board. Listen to its concerns and fears and take them into account. Don’t set up the project in a rigid or pushy way. If you are easy about it, a Defiant part is less likely to rebel. For example, suppose you are trying to do regular meditation. Don’t demand that you do it every single day without fail. Aim for doing it every day with the understanding that you may miss one of two days a week and that’s OK. Remind your procrastinating part about how much you will enjoy the end result of getting the project done.
If a part is afraid of taking risks, take the fear seriously. Consider what could happen. How can you arrange it to make this unlikely? What can you do to support and care for this frightened part as you take this risk? For example, suppose you have a part that is afraid of being alone and without support when you are giving a talk. You could ask a friend to come with you to support you.
Developing Purpose. Develop your Purpose Pattern, which involves clear direction, competence, and follow-thru. Be thoughtful and organized. Think through what you want to do, decide on your priorities, and come up with a strategy for accomplishing your goals. Then set up an action plan with specific easy steps. Appreciate yourself or reward yourself for accomplishing each step. Life Purpose Coaching can be helpful in doing this.
The Work Dimension
The Pattern System is organized by dimensions. Each dimension involves a number of patterns that deal with one area of psychological functioning. The Procrastination Pattern is in the Work Dimension, which deals with how you accomplish things in your life, not only in paid employment, but also in school, creative work, volunteer projects, and other kinds of purposeful activity. The Work Dimension also involves the Ease, Purpose, and Striving Patterns, which I have mentioned in this article.
The following graphic shows these patterns and their relationships to each other. The Purpose and Ease Patterns complement each other and work together in healthy ways. The Striving and Procrastination Patterns are extreme versions of Purpose and Ease respectively, and they are polarized with each other.
| Striving |
| Purpose |
| Ease |
| Procrastination |
| Complementary |
| Polarized |
| The Work Dimension |
The Defiance, Passive-Aggressive, and Inner Critic Patterns are involved in both the Work Dimension and other dimensions. We can expand the graphic to include them as well.
|
Striving Inner Critic |
| Purpose |
| Ease |
|
Procrastination Defiance Passive-Aggressive |
| Complementary |
| Polarized |
| The Work Dimension (Expanded) |
Relating to Procrastinators
If you are close to or work with someone with a Procrastination Pattern, and you would like to help them become more effective, here are some tips. Don’t nag them or push them or try to get them to do a task, unless they have asked you for this kind of help and you are sure that they won’t rebel against you. Don’t judge them for failing to do a task. Be especially careful if they are procrastinating about something you asked them to do or something you are invested in. It is so easy to step into the role of the task master they are defying.
Help them to learn about the part of them that is avoiding taking action. Most procrastinators don’t know they have a part that wants to avoid action. Ask questions that might help them become aware of this. Ask if they are afraid of what might happen if they acted. Ask if they resent being told what to do. Be a sympathetic listener, not a task master or a judge.
Find out if there is any way they want you to support them in achieving their goals. When they take small steps towards action, appreciate them for this. They need encouragement and support, especially if you aren’t invested in their accomplishing the task.
Conclusion
This article explored the Procrastination Pattern, which involves putting off tasks, getting distracted, not staying with projects, and otherwise avoiding action. The most important thing in overcoming procrastination is to get in touch with the part of you (usually unconscious0 that doesn’t want to do the task, and to understand why it feels this way. This part might be attempting to avoid something that seems frightening or unpleasant. It might be rebelling against a person who assigned you a task or against another part of you that is pushing you to do something.
You can then become aware of the procrastination process at the moment it is happening, which gives you an opportunity to work with the parts involved in a constructive way. This will help you to shift this pattern and to organize your activities with purpose and clarity.
We also discussed how to relate most effectively with people who procrastinate, which means not pushing or criticizing them but instead helping them to become aware of their parts and encouraging them in ways that feel supportive to them.